the good and the bad

i love being with him.........
I went out with my girls last friday and had a muthafuckin ball, i got tipsy danced on a couple of guys got a number it was a good. But through all of that i still missed my boyfried and discover to myself and later revield to him that i love him more than what i thought. Going out with my girls having that kind of "single" fun and never wouldve imagined that i would still REALLY miss him............... its kind of nice. He too also had a realizatioin in his life but nowhere near as so trivial as mine. His mother told him that his daddy might not be HIS daddy. And they had a little meeting and everything......... untill they started to talk about grilling and cooking. One ive never even tried and the other im not really to good at yet. It really does pain me some times and i really get hurt with the fact that i caint really cook my man meals........... i mean its the way things are suppose to work the man hunts and the woman cooks. I find it discouraging and to make it even worse......... to add insult to injury........ he told his mother............... who can cook ver well by the way.................. there was a joke said at the table about spaggehtii and his mother looked at me in a way that just made feel shameful. But its not someting that anybody can fix, Ive got to fix it, by myself......... i have to better myself, by myself...................

Thats another thing, one group of freinds want me to move in with them and another group of friends want me to room with them too and then my boyfriend wants me to move in wit them...... that all sounds really nice but im just trying to finish my careerr and do what feel is necessary to better myself............ and he doesnt knw it yet but, once im finish with my nursing school, i might not live with him........ i might want to go somwhere else and be by myself.......... i dont knw........ i want to grow in a way that wont me inferferred with im not sure hed be able to understand that............... i dont knw we'll see.

New To This.........

Im not sure if Anyone will ever read this but............
im basically trying to find a place where i can share my heart unconditionally without being jugged by the people i come in contact with on the regular. Because eventhough i love them all very dearly, i share different parts of myself.......... pieces that i feel that certain person can handle at a time. Im sure im not alone in this.......... and mabye this way of connecting to people isnt right on some level but im sure it just comes natural to everyone.......... and im also sure that there are some that share every part of them with at least one if not a hand full of people that may be close to. But i suppose im not so strong yet.......... I am coming close though.............. but ill get there some day. I have views that im sure im not alone in but some of the ppl im close to would not yet or ever REALLY understand. At the same time i am also in the process of finding myself costently............ I knw for sure that there are some things that i stand for unconditionally and others im not so sure. I battle myself often, trying to improve myself and gain cotrol of my other self that is just sssooo lazy.

But with you all my dear bloggers i will do my very best to as honest and truthful as possibe............... That is the very purpose of this site love or hate it........ its me.........xoxo